The Art of Seduction
by Hanna Sedai
Summary: Wooing women is serious business. Not slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't Teen Titans.

**A/N: **

This is a gift/request by Mellowtopian. This is supposed to be in the context of my other story "Northern Star," but you don't have to have read that to read this. All you need to know is that Robin/Dick is Slade's apprentice. And trust me: this is not slash.

This is the result of us coming up with stupid ideas at 2am.

* * *

><p><strong>-SW- <strong>

Jump City, California

Slade's Haunt

Slade sat on his metal throne in the main room of his haunt, contemplating on the day's work. True, his apprentice was much faster than he had hoped, but there was so much more Slade could teach him. The only thing hindering Dick's progress was his great reluctance to learn from Slade. His performance, while admirable, were not completely up to Slade's standards.

_His fighting skills are progressing fine, _Slade thought. _His robotics skills have been improving. I suppose that his social skills need work. _

Of course Dick's social skills needed some work. Slade kept the kid locked up when Slade wasn't sending him out on missions. Wintergreen told him that Dick would slowly go insane if he didn't have someone else to talk to besides Slade.

A sudden thought crossed Slade's mind.

"Dick!" Slade shouted. "Get over here."

A few seconds later Slade heard Dick stomping down the hallway. Slade casually at the time. It was getting late. Dick was probably tired from today's training and irritated. Well, the kid was irritated all of the time. Besides, Slade hardly ever bothered him after he dismissed him for the day. Slade mentally prepared himself for the kid's backtalk. Dick slouched into the room.

"God, what do you want now?"

Did he have to be so whiny? Slade glanced over at his apprentice. Dick was dressed in a black sweatshirt and looked grumpy. He looked as though he just dragged himself out of bed. His hair stuck out at odd angles and fell over his tired eyes.

"Stand up straight and don't talk to me like that," Slade said.

"Like what?"

"Like a brat."

"I agreed to work for you, but not to give you any respect."

He was always trying Slade's patience, wasn't he? Manners were another thing that Dick would have to work on. Slade's patience with Dick's backtalk varied from day-to-day. While he sometimes admired Dick's truculent attitude it wouldn't do to have a disobedient apprentice.

"I'll deal with your insolence later. I didn't call you here to lecture you." Slade gestured at Dick's sweatshirt. "Change into something nicer than that sweatshirt."

"Why?"

"Because we're going out tonight."

"Doing what, exactly?

"Does that matter? Shut up and do what I say."

Dick scowled. Slade wasn't quite sure how Dick was going to take this once Slade revealed his true intentions. Although Dick hadn't laughed once since coming here Slade felt as though this just might make him laugh. Dick didn't move.

"Would you rather sit in your room and stare at the wall?"

"…"

Dick stared at him for a couple of seconds before turning around, a scowl on his face as he headed back towards his room. Slade smirked.

"That's what I thought," he said, raising his voice so that Dick could hear him.

**-DG- **

Jump City, California

A Bar

Dick fidgeted uneasily in his seat. He had no idea what the crap Slade wanted him to do tonight, especially since both of them were unmasked and in a bar. Slade had said nothing to him all the way there. For a few minutes they sat there in silence. What were they here to do? Probably doing something undercover.

"So why are we in a bar, Slade?"

Once he said that Dick knew that Slade had been waiting for him to ask. Slade turned in his seat to look at him. Then, in a very serious tone, Slade spoke.

"We're going to pick up chicks."

Dick didn't even pretend to hide his surprise. _That _was the reason Slade dragged him out here?

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Dick was silent. The last thing he e_ver _expected to do with Slade was pick up chicks. Bruce wouldn't even…well, then again, Slade _wasn't _Bruce.

"Well, it's just that…"

He didn't know what to say.

"I'm going to teach you to use your good looks to your advantage," Slade said, "It's serious business. You never know when you're going to have to seduce a woman in our profession."

"It's _your _profession and not mine."

"You're my apprentice."

"Involuntarily."

"Call it indentured servitude, then."

"But unlike an indentured servant I'm unable to earn my freedom."

"Why don't you let it go for one night? God, you're so bitter."  
>Dick sighed. This was so awkward. Why did he have to be here? He didn't want to banter with Slade, especially over a stupid topic like this. Seducing women? Really? In truth, he didn't want to do anything with Slade. Not even this.<p>

"I'm sorry? Am I annoying you?" Dick asked, his tone mocking. "I'm sorry that I haven't quite gotten over the fact that you can violently murder my friends at any time. I'll try harder."

Although Dick knew that that comment annoyed Slade even more, the mercenary decided to ignore the jab. Perhaps Slade didn't want to lose his temper in front of all of these people. Good. Then Dick could annoy him without having the situation break out into a fight. He hoped.

"But I'm sure that I could pick up more chicks than you," Slade said.

Dick said nothing for the longest time. Slade sat there with the biggest grin on his face. Dick pushed out his chair and stood up. He could only take so many personal insults before exploding. He ran a hand through his hair and turned to leave. Before he could walk two feet he felt Slade grab his collar.

"Hey, whoa, back it up—where are you going?"

"To do what you asked."

"You can't just jump into the fray and expect women to fling themselves at you."

"I don't need your help."

"Really?" Slade let go of him. "I didn't know your ego was that big."

Dick leaned against the table in annoyance. One of the many things he hated about this apprenticeship was the fact that Slade lectured him _all the freaking time. _For once—just _once—_he felt as though he could do something without Slade having to correct him. Sure, wooing women is serious business.

"You're one to talk about ego, Slade."

"How many girlfriends have you had?"

"…"

"None?"

"No, I'd just rather not talk about that with you."

"You've had none. Don't lie to me."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Exactly. If you don't say anything then I can just assume the worst."

"Still, that doesn't affect my ability to woo women."

"True, but it does indicate how well you've done in the past."

"And you?"

Slade just looked at him. "What about me?"

"Did you scare away all of your girlfriends? Or did you make them work for you too?"

"…"

"..."

"Fine. I won't ask you anymore about that. But in all seriousness, Dick: you may be good, but you'll never be as good as me unless you shut up and listen to me."

So, Slade thought he was quite the lady's man. If Dick proved him wrong then it would be one small victory that Dick could always push into Slade's face. God knows he needed _something _to boost his self-esteem. Dick pointed to the other side of the room.

"My only possible hindrance to seducing those women over there is this bruise on my face you gave me yesterday."

"Chicks dig scars."

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"No. It's perfectly true. Girls also like bad boys."

"You're messed up."

"That's just your opinion, and your opinion doesn't matter."

Dick snorted. He couldn't believe that he was having this conversation with Slade.

"I'm sure women would just _love _to date you, you psycho."

"You'd be surprised how many dig the eye-patch."

"Probably only the ugly ones."

Slade shook his head. "A puerile insult, Dick. Women want _men, _not boys. Boyish comments like that won't get you anything, except perhaps a slap to the face."

Despite himself, Dick's face flushed in embarrassment. Why was he allowing Slade to lecture him about this? Before Dick could say something else Slade spoke.

"Dick, I know you're tired from training today, but that's no reason to be irritable with me."

"Oh, so now you're pretending to care about my well-being. Perfect."

"Don't try me, kid. Tonight you don't have to be serious. Go out and have a good time."

Dick narrowed his eyes in distrust. Slade didn't know the definition of fun, so why did he say something like that? Besides, Dick couldn't unwind and relax. He felt as though he always had to be on the alert. Being Slade's apprentice made him feel paranoid all of the time. As though Slade sensed this, the older man spoke again.

"Let's make a deal: if you manage to pick up more chicks than you by the end of the night then you get the afternoon off tomorrow."

Dick paused. That was a reasonable agreement. He hadn't had any sort of time off since he started working for Slade.

"And if you win?" Dick asked.

"I get bragging rights."

Dick didn't know if he could handle Slade having bragging rights over something like this. He nodded.

"Done."

What else could he lose? It wasn't as if he had to go steal something or hurt someone. This was something he knew how to do. He could do this. Without looking at Slade he ran a hand through his hair again and smirked to himself.

"Say no more, Slade: I got this."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **It was going to be a oneshot but then I realized that it needs more than one chapter. This isn't a full length story, but it will have a few chapters. I was having way too much fun writing this.

I love how this turned out to be a battle of the egos. XD.

Also, I'm working on The Blorthog Project! I'm sorry I sort of abandoned it, but it's been kind of hard getting back in the groove after taking a month off.

Review!


	2. Part Deux

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Teen Titans.

**A/N: **

Sorry for the delay. This ended up getting way too ridiculous for me. I would write something, laugh my ass off, and then delete it because it was too stupid.

Oh, BTW this is not meant to be serious. I'm writing this for the LOLZ. This is going to get more and more ridiculous. Just a fair warning, mind you. XD. I'm also throwing in a lot of inside jokes about the fandom.

Also, some of the pick-up lines were not created by me. Credit is given to Mellowtopian for one.

The language is just for LOLZ, but I'm sorry if I offend anyone.

Or maybe I'm not. XD.

* * *

><p>Part Deux!<p>

**-DG- **

Jump City, California

A Bar

For the next seconds they sat in silence. Dick wondered vaguely what the Titans would think of this. Hell, what would _Bruce _think about this? Dick decided right then and there that, if he somehow managed to get out of this apprenticeship, he wouldn't tell anyone else about this. In way, it was a bit too embarrassing to admit to anyone.

"So, which one do you think is cute?"

"What?" Dick broke out of his trance.

"Humor me, Dick."

He scanned the room. A part of him wanted to do this half-heartedly, but his competitive dysfunctionality egged him on.

"I guess that one. And the one over there."

"They're both redheads. You have a thing for them?"

"…"

"Is that a yes?"

"I didn't say anything."

"I was just wondering."

"You assume a lot of things."

"I'm usually right."

"…"

Dick hadn't even noticed that he picked out the redheads. Why did Slade have to point out these things? And yeah…although Dick didn't want to admit it Slade usually guessed things right. It was an irritating habit of his.

"Didn't you use to work with a redhead?" Slade asked. "Back in Gotham?"

"…so…?"

"Nothing. I just noted that she's a redhead. Isn't that alien girl on your team a redhead also?"

"…so…?"

"So, you find redheads attractive."

Dick didn't even respond. Should he respond? He felt as though Slade would find another way to twist his words. And no matter how many times Slade was going to goad him, Dick just wasn't going to talk about his crush on Starfire. No. Freaking. Way.

"And if I do? What then?" Dick asked, choosing his words carefully. "My attraction to redheads has nothing to do with my seducing capabilities."

"Just thought that I should point it out."

"Screw you, Slade."

In any other circumstance Dick was sure that Slade would hit him. But here and now Slade wouldn't hit him for being disrespectful. At least Dick could annoy Slade as much as he wanted while he was here. Slade ignored Dick's last comment. The younger man began to shift uncomfortably in his seat.

"I guess I'll guess eat my weight in chocolate, then."

"Why?"

"I'm depressed, Slade, so I'll turn to binge eating. Also, chocolate will save me from the dementors lurking in the Haunt."

"What makes you believe that there are dementors in the Haunt?"

"Because I feel depressed all of the time."

"That's your own fault."

"Always putting the blame on me, aren't you?" Dick asked.

"You do the same to me."

"For good reason."

Dick was anxious to get away from Slade just so that he could ignore their strained conversation. It was bad enough having to train underneath this crazy man as it was. This was one of the few times he had an actual conversation with him. He didn't like it. Sometimes he felt as though he could actually relate the guy. That was something he did _not _want to do.

"Here's a fake I.D," Slade said, handing him a card. "You should go over there and buy one of them a drink."

Dick took the card from Slade and looked at it. He looked up at Slade and then back at the card suspiciously.

"Richard Wilson?"

"You're masquerading as my son."

"You scare me sometimes."

"In a God-fearing way?"

"Not really, no." Dick gave Slade another strange side-long glance. "You are really messed up."

Dick stood up. He didn't want to stay here. Why was it that whenever he and Slade had a conversation Dick ended up feeling confused or embarrassed? That was why he liked to avoid conversation with Slade whenever he could.

"You know what? I could really use a drink right now."

**-SW- **

Jump City, California

A Bar

"Hey Dick."

"What, Slade?"

"You seem a lot more…outgoing. How much have you had to drink in the past ten minutes?"

"Screw da police, Slade, and screw you."

"There's the spirit."

Well, Slade had to admit that this whole thing was…unexpected. Dick had taken that fake I.D and was now happily using it. Slade honestly thought that Dick would refuse to use it because of his so-called "heroic ideals," but now…maybe Slade had underestimated him.

Dick sat up straight in his chair. He was looking around the room with a lot more interest. A slight, mischievous smile that Slade had _never _seen before played on Dick's lips. He was also moving around a lot more, his fingers tapping to the music blasting out of the stereo. Well, Dick was certainly a lot more pleasant when he was buzzed. Maybe Slade should take him out to clubs more often.

Slade, obviously, held his liquor a lot better than Dick. He had no intention of getting drunk tonight, but watching Dick get wasted would be rather amusing. Still, Slade didn't want to deal with a hungover apprentice tomorrow morning. He had a feeling that neither Dick nor Slade would appreciate it. However, Slade would mess with him while he could. Slade tuned out a listened to the music in the room for a moment.

"What is this hideous warbling?"

"It's Lady Gaga, _Dad," _Dick replied, placing as much sarcasm into that last word as possible. "You need to get out of the office every once in a while."

"I do get out of the office."

"To do what?"

"The fact that you know so much about pop culture saddens me, Dick. You need to study harder."

"The fact that I didn't know that Lady Gaga had a new song out saddens me. You need to let me out more often."

"No, I don't think so."

"You're a real control freak, you know that?" Dick drank deeply. Batman would not approve of this, would he? "You know, thanks a lot for taking me out. Drinking away all thoughts of this stupid arrangement has done so much good for me." He paused and looked at one of the neon signs at the bar. "It's really weird being drunk."

"What? Why?"

"My mind says that I shouldn't say something, but I just don't _care _how stupid it is. I just say it. Like, I think that you're an asshole."

Dick just smiled up at Slade. How could Dick say that so _cheerfully? _Slade had to remind himself that this was the alcohol talking. If Dick was sober he wouldn't be saying stupid stuff like this. Really, though…Slade would have never expected the former _Boy Wonder _to have a potty mouth. Although, truth be told his situation probably caused him to be pretty bitter. If Slade were in Dick's situation he would probably say "asshole" too.

"Guess what, pyscho?" Dick asked in a loud voice, standing up. "If I can't do anything I might as well burn a hole in your wallet!"

He was off to buy more drinks, then.

**-DG- **

Dick sidled over next to a redhead. She looked to be a few years older than he was, perhaps in her early twenties, but Dick didn't have much choice here. He had to admit: she was very pretty. In his slightly buzzed state he felt a bit more confident than he did a few minutes ago.

"So guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm an acrobat."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah."

She raised an eyebrow.

"You look a little young to be in here."

"Nah, that's what everyone says." Dick suddenly looked down at the floor. "Oops. I dropped something."

"Oh…" the girl said as he bent over.

"What?" Dick asked.

"Your butt."

"What about it?"

"Can it look any better in tighter jeans?"

"Well, I don't know how, but it'll probably look better in tights."

"I'm sure you could pull them off."

"Yes I can. On the _dance floor!_"

He pulled her out of her seat and pulled her towards the dance floor.

**-SW- **

Meanwhile, Slade was off at the other side of the room. He preferred women who were a little older, of course. As Dick preferred redheads, so Slade preferred brunettes. While Slade hadn't dated many women since he and Adeline split up, he knew that he still had it in him to pick up the ladies.

"So, you used to be in the military?"

"Yes."

"I do love men in uniform?"

"Do you?" Slade asked pleasantly. "That's nice to know."

"I suppose you lost your eye in the line of duty."

"Oh yeah. As a matter of fact I did."

Slade smiled at her. Even so, she still looked as though she was going to walk away from him. There must have been something off about the smile, since she stood up and smiled politely at him.

"Hey sweetcakes, are you a gun? Because it looks like you're about to shoot me down- Woman, do you know who I am?"  
>"Having trouble, Slade?" Dick asked. "Or will you just blackmail her too?"<p>

To Slade's great surprise. Dick came sauntering back with two women in his arms. The confidence Dick must have gained from his rather large consumption of alcohol must have been boosted by this.

"What?" Dick asked. "You _mad, _bro?"

A wide smile spread across Slade's face.

"Touché, Dick."

"My dancing skills are far superior to yours."

"I can see that."

"So who is this?" one of the girls asked him. "Your dad?"

They looked at each other awkwardly. Even in his drunken stupor Dick didn't want to continue the lie.

"It's not over yet, kid."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

Ok, I will normally not use super foul language in TT fics, but dudes…I have experience with drunk people. I have friends who become potty mouths when they get drunk. It's hilarious. And while I've never been completely drunk I've been pretty buzzed.

And Dick's sexy butt is canon. IT TOTALLY IS.

And I also believe that Dick would know all of the Internet memes. Just so that he could troll everyone else. XD.

There will be one more chapter.

Comments on the insanity are always appreciated.


	3. Le Fin

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Teen Titans.

**A/N: **Again, I meant to update this earlier, but I was laughing too hard at my stupidity to write.

* * *

><p><strong>-DG- <strong>

"Dick, why do you have a blanket over your head?"

"You have the guess who I am."

"Hmmm…"

The group of girls surrounding him stood back to get a better look. They looked at him with wide, bright eyes. He wasn't sure if they were completely wasted as he was, but perhaps they liked him a bit tipsy.

"I am vengeance! I am the night!" Dick began to flap his arms around. "I…am…_BATMAN!" _

"No, you're not," Slade called out.

For some reason, Dick felt happier than he had in a long time. Of course, he knew that it was the alcohol, but he just didn't _care. _He felt more at home here than he did at the haunt. Of course, anywhere was better than staying at Slade's place.

"You know what?" Dick asked. "You're just jealous that I can pick up more chicks than you."

"Shut up."

To Dick's surprise he found himself being pulled away from the crowd of women. He grinned goofily at them before Slade turned him around.

"There's a difference between moderation and _dead-drop drunk. _You are clearly drunk."

"Oohhhhhh, but you're the one who gave me alcohol in the first place." Dick hiccupped. "Not that I'm complaining. It's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"No, I prefer you sober…even if you're a bit sulkier."

"Slade…Slade…_Slade: _you blackmail me, you use me as a personal punching bag and you make me fight my friends…_why on earth are you surprised?" _

Dick grinned. He felt like he could take on the whole world. In fact, he felt as though tonight, he could actually beat Slade. Slade considered him for a few seconds.

"You know what, you're right: I'm not surprised. And we're leaving."

"Chicken."

He said this so quietly that Slade almost missed it. The mercenary turned to look at him again. Once Dick was sure that he had Slade's attention he repeated himself.

"Chicken!"

"Your insults have not improved much," Slade said testily.

"Admit it, then," Dick said, running a hand through his hair, "I'm way more of a stud than you are."

This was hilarious. Slade clearly couldn't play his own game. Dick didn't need to be sober to figure that out. Slade was trying to get out before he embarrassed himself too much. If that was really what Slade was trying to do now, then Dick was going to do everything in his drunken power to embarrass Slade before the night was out.

This was going to be _so much fun. _

"No."

"Ya know the only reason no one wants to hook up with you is because you're such a jerk."

Slade frowned at him, but Dick didn't care. He wanted to beat Slade at something. If he had to act like a complete idiot to do it then he would. Maybe if he acted like a moron Slade would reconsider his decision to take Dick on as an apprentice.

Hey, a guy could dream, right?

"You're wrong," Slade said. "I'm not a jerk."

Dick just looked at him and started laughing. He just couldn't stop.

**-SW- **

As the night wore on Slade realized that he didn't have the flirtation skills necessary to beat a much younger man like Dick. So instead of trying to pick up chicks himself he watched as Dick effortlessly sucked up chicks like a magnet picks up metal. Slade knew that he wouldn't be able to handle Dick's taunting. So Slade did what he did best: manipulate teenagers.

Well, he just kept buying drinks so that Dick would forget the real reason why this all started in the first place. Dick, in his rather intoxicated state, happily accepted them.

He was now gathering a crowd. As Slade watched he found himself drinking more and more. He normally didn't drink like this, but being rejected hurt his pride more than he wanted to admit out loud. Slowly, he became just as intoxicated as Dick. Soon he heard his name being called.

"Slade, get over here."

Dick sat at a table, his arms hanging over the shoulders of the women sitting next to him. He seemed immensely pleased with himself. Truthfully, this did not go the way Slade planned. Honestly, he expected Dick just follow his lead.

"What are you doing?"

"Technically you started this. You're such a pimp."

"No, I'm not—"

"All you need is a hat."

"Shut up. We're leaving."

"Nah, I just want to do one more thing."

"What are you doing now?"

"I'm gonna show you how to attract women, since you obviously can't do it yourself."

Slade did not want to make a fool of himself, but he also didn't like Dick's jab. He downed the rest of his beer and started heading towards them. Slade was the teacher here, not Dick.

"Hey Slade, do you know how much I hate you?"

"How much, Dick?"

"A lot. My hate for you is enough to fill the borders of a small country. Like Russia."

Dick's head whipped around as the girls he had gathered began to call his name. "To attract the ladies you should sing karaoke. Ladies love the karaoke."

"I'm not singing."

"You don't know how to have fun. Or pick up women, for that matter."

"Shut up, Dick."

"I will…once you admit that I've won and you lost."

"No."

"Then I shall continue to wound your overinflated ego. I'll never let it go. EVER. So sing one song with me and I swear I'll stop."

"You swear?"

"Boy Scout promise."

Slade popped open another beer bottle. In his now very intoxicated state, Slade believed Dick. With the greatest reluctance Slade decided to join him just to get Dick to shut the hell up. He found himself wondering how the situation spiraled so quickly out-of-control.

"You're singing the words wrong, Slade."

"That's because I don't know the song."

"That's because it's Lady Gaga, _Dad!" _Dick snorted. "God, Dad, you don't know _anything." _

This was _so _dumb. To get rid of his intense feelings of embarrassment Slade decided to drink some more. In his mind he knew that it was stupid to continue drinking, but each successive drink made him believe that it would be great to drink more.

_"Je veux ton amour et je veux ton revenge…" _

"You speak French?"

_"Oui. _I'm a friggin genius."

"Let's add that to the list of useful skills that Wayne taught you."

"Are you suggesting that he taught me useless skills?"

"When it comes to our profession, yes."

"What if I told you that I wanted to be a pretty ballerina instead?"

"Say that again and I will slap you."

"I can't help it. I'm from the circussssss…"

Slade felt unsure how to proceed from here.

_ You know what, _Slade thought, _if this whole "blackmail the Titans" thing doesn't work out I could always blackmail him with this. _

Soon the song was done. Even in his intoxicated state Slade noticed Dick going back to the group of women.

"Hey," Dick said, "did you get that?"

Dick sidled over to one of the girls. Both of them began to laugh as they looked at something on her cell phone.

"What is that?" Slade demanded.

"Oh nothing…" Dick said, grinning. "She just uploaded a video of us singing Lady Gaga to the Interwebz."

"What-?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention: I don't care how dumb I look, but if acting like an idiot is what it takes for me blackmail you, then I'm all for it."

"Get rid of it right now."

"Too late, it's already on Youtube!" Dick exclaimed.

"Take it down this inst—"

"Too late, it's already posted to her Twitter and Tumblr. _It's going viral!" _

**-WW- **

Jump City, California

A Bar

Slade did tell him to pick them up later tonight. Still, Wintergreen wondered what the hell those two were up to. This wasn't one of their normal excursions. Normally, Slade would send Dick out to do something while he stayed back in the haunt. Wondering what sort of nonsense the two of them got into tonight, Wintergreen walked into the bar.

To Wintergreen's astonishment he found Dick and Slade slumped over a table, both of them completely and utterly drunk. He looked from one to the other, studying them for a few seconds before clearing his throat.

"Sir," Wintergreen said. "What happened?"

"Oh, Dick made his ancestors proud tonight," Slade said.

"Screw you, Slade," Dick replied, his words slurring slightly. "Shut up and give me another shot of vodka."

"No, you can't hold your liquor."

"You're drunk too."

"You're more wasted than I am."

"FFFFFFffffuuu—"

"Don't even start."

"I hate you so much, Slade."

"I've heard that nine thousand times."

"Yet you still don't get it."

"Sir," Wintergreen said, "I think it's best if you both go home."

He had no idea how both of them ended up so drunk, but then he decided that he would rather not know. Dick began to speak rather loudly.

"What? No. There's no why in hell I'm going back with this pyscho."

"How did this happen?" Wintergreen asked again.

"I can't pick up woman, so I drank. Then my reputation got ruined, so I drank some more," Slade said. "And Dick's a lightweight."

"No, I'm not."

"You threw up twenty minutes ago."

"STFU."

Wintergreen stood there watching them banter, all the while rubbing his temple with an irritated expression on his face. Not only did he feel out of place in a bar, but he knew that he was going to have to deal with these two drunk. While he knew that he could mess with both of them he wasn't going to.

"I think you've had enough of that," Wintergreen said gently, taking the Vodka bottle away. "Slade, why on earth did you give him alcohol?"

"He's fun now. Sulky Dick isn't fun to work with."

Dick reached for the bottle, but lost interest. He let his arm drop and sighed heavily. Instead of demanding more he began to sulk. It was definitely time for both of them to go home. Neither of them were sober enough to be making any sort of decision for themselves.

"That's enough, both of you!" Wintergreen snapped.

He grabbed them both by their collars and pulled them out of their chairs. The surrounding women, who had been watching them in interest, began to giggle as Wintergreen began to berate them.

"Oh, come on!" Dick shouted. "You're not going to lecture me too!"

"You," Wintergreen said calmly, "should know better than to drink. And you, Slade, should know better than to give the boy alcohol."

"I know you're right, Will."

Wintergreen sighed. This was going to be a long night.

**-DG- **

The next morning Dick woke up with an excruciating headache.

As he opened his eyes he tried to remember how he got here. Dick faintly remembered the pound rhythmic music of Lady Gaga. But where in God's name had he heard Lady Gaga's new song? Slade never played any music. Not even awesome work-out music. He could not, for the life of him, remember what had happened the night before.

Someone knocked on the door. A few seconds later Wintergreen came into the room. Dick tried to sit up, but as soon as he moved he felt a bit woozy.

"Here's an Advil," Wintergreen, "take it now. It'll help your headache."

Wintergreen handed him a pill and a glass of water. Dick groaned and rubbed his aching head.

"Oh God…what happened last night?"

"You just took a nasty hit to the head during training last night."

"But I don't have a bruise…"

"Just take the Advil."

Dick swallowed the pill along with a gulp of water. "Where's Slade?"

"He's out for the day."

"Is there anything he wants me to do?"

"Um…nope. Not that I know of."

"Oh. OK."

"I don't think you'll be doing anything today," Wintergreen said, "maybe this afternoon, but that depends on…"

He trailed off.

"Depends on what?" Dick asked.

"Never you mind." Wintergreen began to look uncomfortable. "I'll be back soon with something for you to eat."

Well, that was weird. As Dick rolled over and tried to sit up he r_eally _wondered what happened last night. He felt almost nauseous, but he didn't remember getting sick.

And why did he feel a sudden urge to sing Lady Gaga?

**LE FIN.**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

…

I regret nothing.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why this wasn't ever mentioned in my other fic. XD.

I know that some of you wanted to see both of them drunk, so here it is! :D

Review!

P.S: While working on TBP I started another Robin/Slade story called "In Too Deep." Check it out!


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